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Strangers (Writer In Motion 3rd draft)

As a recap, in week 1, we saw the rough draft. Lots of typos, emerging theme, but bones to be sure.
In week two, Strangers officially became a short story with some self-editing. The theme became more consistent and there were less typos.
In week three, two critique partners assisted in banging out some dents. Mostly word flow and things that are really hard to see as the writer but are obvious to the reader.
Without further ado, Strangers

Strangers (Writer In Motion 2nd Draft)

You don’t notice the elevation change as you drive through the mountains. The only thing that tips you off is that your ears start popping. Blue mountains majesty, my ass.
What was worse? My girlfriend kicking me out, or the awkward one-sided conversation with someone I hadn’t seen since I was ten?
“Plenty of fish in the sea,” my brother said.
My side-eye wasn’t enough to stop his attempts at playing dad. I leaned back in the seat and pretended I was asleep.
“Plenty of fish…”
A virgin’s sage wisdom passed down by our father, no doubt. Not like dad was any better with relationships. The sun burned through my closed eyelids. I wasn’t fooling anyone. I sat up, and as we passed under the shadow of the mountain, I thought of her. “Hey, do you remember—”
“The woman in the shack? Grandpa shit a brick when we told him someone was living there.”
It wasn’t something a person could forget. Never speak to strangers, adults always say. She was the stranger they were trying to warn us about, but everyone…

Writer In Motion Short Story - Woman in the Shack

You don’t feel the elevation change as you drive through the mountains. The only thing that tips you off is that at some point, you’re ears start popping like you’re on a redeye flight out of this hellhole. Blue mountains majesty, my ass.
What was worse? My girlfriend kicking me out, or the awkward one-sided conversation with a stranger. “Plenty of fish in the sea,” he said.
My side-eye wasn’t enough to stop his attempts at playing dad. I leaned back in the seat and pretended I was asleep. Chelsey and I had been over for months. We were over it, but our lease wasn’t. Towards the end, she moved a girlfriend in and I moved out.
“Plenty of fish…”
The virgin’s sage wisdom passed down by our father just didn’t have the effect he was going for. The sun burned orange through my closed eyelids. I wasn’t fooling anyone. I sat up and adjusted the seatbelt as we passed under the shadow of the mountain. “Hey, do you remember—”
“The woman in the shack?”
It wasn’t something a person could forget. “Grand…