Writer In Motion Short Story - Woman in the Shack

You don’t feel the elevation change as you drive through the mountains. The only thing that tips you off is that at some point, you’re ears start popping like you’re on a redeye flight out of this hellhole. Blue mountains majesty, my ass.

What was worse? My girlfriend kicking me out, or the awkward one-sided conversation with a stranger. “Plenty of fish in the sea,” he said.

My side-eye wasn’t enough to stop his attempts at playing dad. I leaned back in the seat and pretended I was asleep. Chelsey and I had been over for months. We were over it, but our lease wasn’t. Towards the end, she moved a girlfriend in and I moved out.

“Plenty of fish…”

The virgin’s sage wisdom passed down by our father just didn’t have the effect he was going for. The sun burned orange through my closed eyelids. I wasn’t fooling anyone. I sat up and adjusted the seatbelt as we passed under the shadow of the mountain. “Hey, do you remember—”

“The woman in the shack?”

It wasn’t something a person could forget. “Grandpa almost shit a brick when we told him someone was living there.”

My brother chuckled. Adulthood had taken hold of his face. He was like a male version of mom. I wished I had fought a little harder for our summer visitations. My brother was a stranger to me now.

Drumming his thumbs on the steering wheel, he said, “That was a weird-ass summer, man.”

We laughed with nostalgia, but my mind was still on that hillside on the edge of our grandparent’s property. The overgrown snapdragons tugged by the cool winds of autumn.

“How has dad been doing?” I asked.

My brother shrugged. “Went from functional alcoholic to a dysfunctional one.”

That reminded me. “Just a heads up, mom is engaged.”

For the first time in three hours my brother finally went silent. Hawks perched on the fences focused on their next meal, but they had nothing on my brother avoiding complicated feelings. We had some things in common after all.

“She told us we’d come back to her when the time was right,” he said. “Maybe this is what she meant.”


It had crossed my mind. It was the first time we had been together since that summer. She was tiny, and her black hair dragged past her waist. She was wearing a long flowy black gown like a goth princess. We were going to make the shed our fort, we were shocked when we heard a gentle, feminine voice carry over the tall grass.

As if he were thinking the same thing, he said, “She came out, her dress dancing in the wind. She smiled with those wicked sharp teeth and—”

“Took our faces in her hand and like, examined each of us. She said, “hmm, not yet. Come back when you’re ready.’”

“Did they ever tell you what they found in there?”

My brother shook his head. “Nope.”

I leaned my head back on the headrest and considered the mystery. They weren’t allowed to leave the back yard after that. It was probably just some crazy homeless lady, but she was the hottest homeless lady I had ever seen.

“Maybe we should check,” my brother said.

Even after all these years, he was still the instigator. You had to do whatever it took to survive in a town where the stoplights turned red for tumbleweeds. “Sure,” I said. “Better than being told about fish in the sea from a drowning man.”

Now it was my brother’s turn to give the side-eye.

He parked on the backside of our grandparent’s property. We had to climb the chain-link fence. There was some competition to be the first over the fence, my brother’s feet landed first.

“Why didn’t you go back to moms?” he asked as we hiked up the hill.

“I was going to, would have saved me the airfare. There was this postcard at the storage place. It was a generic mountain scene, but it reminded me of this place.”

We stood in the spot we once did years ago. The rundown shack remained as did the snapdragons. My brother kicked a broken padlock with his boots.

My breath caught in my ribs with the prospects of seeing her again. Pushing open the door, my nose was assaulted with the smell of decomposition. Horseflies swarmed a heap of flesh the wooden table. Black droplets stained the floor and trailed along the edge of the table.

It was a stag carcass. Its fur ripped as if attacked by a wild animal. “What the fuck,” my brother coughed.

A maggot crawled out of the stag’s tear duct and I had to get out. I made it out the door before spewing on the wildflowers.

My brother followed right behind. “My hands won’t stop shaking long enough to call the police.”

My ears plugged, muffling the noise of the world. A high-pitched whine took the place of the rustling leaves and bird calls. My brother frowned and made a yawning motion with his mouth before tapping at his temple like a dead microphone.

I turned to find her standing there. It had been almost twelve years since we were last here, but she was the same. Her grey eyes locked with mine.

My heart pounded as she pushed the shack door open and motioned for me to follow with one long finger. Someone pushed me aside, but he wouldn’t get to her first. I grabbed the stranger from behind and threw him to the ground. She needed me. No one would come between us. She was why I was here. Her song silenced the world.

I entered the room. She motioned to the table with a soft lilt of her head. I shoved the carcass off the table and took its place. She gazed down at me lovingly, “Yes, I think you’re ripe enough now.”

I was ready. 


  1. So, first off I like the writing. It flows nicely. Your monster is creepy. I want to know more about this thing and what it is doing in this shack. I think this story might be a little too short. It feels more like a writing experiment I would do at school — we wrote stories that were around 500 words. They were fine, but weren’t really full blown stories, just short scenes. I think where you can best expand is with character development. Who are these siblings? Why did they come back to the shack? Tell us a bit more about their home and family life. Expand that first meeting with the lady so it’s a full blown scene and not someone spouting dialogue. I would also think a little bit on theme. What does this monster represent to the siblings? To the main character? What fear does the lady in the shack represent? Death? The unknown? Growing up? Remember, the best monsters are never just monsters. They usually reflect some aspect of the human condition. This is really good. Keep writing and let me know if you have any follow up questions or if you’d like me to look at anything else.


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